


Collided

by nathaliacam



Series: Secret [1]
Category: Robsten, Twilight RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Mentions of alcohol, Robsten - Freeform, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 12:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathaliacam/pseuds/nathaliacam
Summary: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are at Paris Fashion Week 2017. The fact they work for two brands with parades at the same event might be a coincidence. However, the same can not be said about some schedduled meeting, some honest conversation and some embarrassing situation on a plane back to Los Angeles.





	1. Author Note

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Colidiu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767235) by [nathaliacam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathaliacam/pseuds/nathaliacam). 



**Is it funny to be here?! Yes, it is!**

**I sincerely had no plans of writing this, but life is funny, and this situation _claimed_   a fanfic. How could I not?!**

**And I’ve procrastinated a bit, I admit, but finally, this fanfiction is ready!** **And with 2017 stuff! It feels just…** **Unbelievable, right? So, this was originally written in Portuguese, and it’s here on my profile, feel free to try to read. I think it sounds better in Portuguese, but it also feels more _real_ in English. **

**Well, I’m obviously not a native of any country who speaks English, so, please, forgive me for any possible mistake. I tried my best to do a good job here, but, well. Shit happens, right?**

**It’s important for you to understand that, in Portuguese, this is a series of three fanfics (for now, I see it growing!). The first one is called _Segredo_ (Secret), but it’s not translated, and I’m not sure I’ll ever translate it, to be honest. It’s nothing new, just a bunch of memories. Basically Robert remembering their moments together on her 27 th birthday. By the end of it, he sends her a happy birthday text, and she says they should meet up. The meeting actually happens in _Colidiu_ (Collided), this one. So there’s nothing missing to make sense. The third part of the series is called _Salto_  (Heels), and it’s translated already. It’s about Robert watching _Come Swim_ , and I’ll be posting it soon.**

**Also, I need to thank two people, who were extremely important for this (and the other ones too) story to happen:**

**The first one is my friend _Adri,_ who is also the beta reader of MY LIFE, and she helped me with compliments, talks about it, and she heard all of my brainstorms. She knows more than anyone how I wanted to put _so many stuff_ in this fanfic, but she helped me to control myself. Thank you, Adri, for helping me with this fanfic, with the other ones, with life. You’re the reasoning voice in my world full of dreams, made of pure emotion. I love you!**

**And the other one is _Vanessa_. I’ve been out of this fandom for a few years, and it was hard for me to write Collided, because it’s about the characters as they are _today_. This is how Vanessa helped me, and after long and nostalgic conversations and twenty thousand emails with the updates of this fanfic, she helped me to build the plot, the characters and the dialogs. Van, I really want to thank you for _everything_ , and to say that I _love_ all of our nostalgic conversations, because I see in you the Robstener growing back in my every day. I hope we have more moments like the one written here, so we can celebrate together!**

**I need to say how much I respect Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as people and as artists, as long as I respect the people who were part of their lives today and in the past.**

**The titles _Segredo_ and _Colidiu_ came from two songs of a brasilian singer called Sandy. Two beautiful songs, you should check them out.**

**After this endless note, let’s get started.**

**DISCLAIMER:** Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart don’t belong me, never did, never will. The stuff written here was never real and never will be (sadly). The mentioned song is also not mine.

 


	2. Collided

Você não era parte dos meus planos

_You were not part of my plans_

Mas eu mudo todos eles por você

_But I’ll change all of them for you_

E nessa longa biografia de enganos

_And through this long biography of mistakes_

Você é o erro que eu insisto em cometer

_You’re the mistake I insist in commit_

 

A gente colidiu

_We’ve collided_

Não pude escolher

_I couldn’t choose_

Tão raro encontrar

_So hard it was to find_

Tão fácil foi me perder

_So easy it was to lose myself_

A gente colidiu

_We’ve collided_

E o que eu sempre quis

_And everything I’ve ever wanted_

Já sei onde vou achar

_I know where to find_

Já sei quem me faz estranhamente feliz

  _I know who makes me weirdly happy_

 

Você não era o homem dos meus sonhos

_You were not the man of my dreams_

Porque me faltava imaginação

_Because I had no imagination_

Reescreve a minha história com sorrisos

_Rewrite my history with smiles_

Transforma o meu silêncio em canção

_Turn my silence into a song_

 

A gente colidiu

_We’ve collided_

Não pude escolher

_I couldn’t choose_

Tão raro encontrar

_So hard it was to find_

Tão fácil foi me perder

_So easy it was to lose myself_

A gente colidiu

_We’ve collided_

E o que eu sempre quis

_And everything I’ve ever wanted_

Já sei onde vou achar

_I know where I’ll find_

Já sei quem me faz estranhamente feliz

_I know who makes me weirdly happy_

 

Não tenho mais medo do que vem adiante

_I’m not afraid anymore of what’s coming ahead_

Você me conduz sem me tirar do volante

_You drive me without taking me out from control_

**Colidiu* – Sandy**

***Collided**

 


	3. Single Chapter

**July 2017**

 

“You need to leave in five minutes. Remember to put the perfume on.”

I looked over my shoulder towards Stephanie’s voice. I nodded, listening to the sound of her heels against the wood of the floor as she walked away. I sighed, looking outside the window once more before turning away to look for my stuff thrown around the suite. Stephanie and the rest of my team were waiting outside, and that wouldn’t let me think about the possibility of ignoring all my responsibilities to stay in for the rest of the day.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like my job. But Fashions weeks and fashion parades would never excite me to go out in a sunny Monday morning.

I grabbed my phone and wallet on the bedside table and, checking myself on the mirrored closet door once more, I left the bedroom, running my hands through my umid hair and adjusting my white button striped shirt under the black suit.

“You can leave this button right here open,” Stephanie said, the maternal tone in her voice making me roll my eyes. She ignored my face as she opened the second button of the suit “And this one right here, closed.”

“It will suffocate me,” she looked at me, serious, while buttoning the shirt close to my throat. “Are you sure this is the right size of the suit?”

Steph frowned, looking at me worried. The wrinkles around her eyes were a little bit accented now, almost like a track of how long it’s been since we first started working together. She ran her hands along the black dress she was wearing.

“Why? Is it tight?”

“No, not tight,” I looked at my own back, my mouth in a weird angle towards down as I observed myself, “But these pants are a little too short.”

The laugh coming from my agent was muffled by the sound of my feet hitting the floor, as if that could help the pants to get longer.

“Idiot!” she rolled her eyes, “It’s how it’s supposed to be.”

 _It’s still weird_ , I thought, but didn’t say anything else. I was practically escorted out of the room. When already in the car, I grabbed my phone for the first time, unlocking it to see the two new texts notified.

“You can’t stay with that phone in hands, Robert!” I heard Steph’s voice again. “You’ll be very busy.”

“That’s why I’m with my phone right now, got it?” I joked, twisting the phone in my hand. “Relax, Steph. It’s almost like you don’t know me.”

“I know you very well. Well, go ahead, do whatever you need to, because I need to give you orientations.”

I nodded and opened my texts.

 

_From: Tahliah, 00:32_

_good night. call me before you leave tomorrow. love u!_

 

_From: Tahliah, 10:27_

_you forgot again…_

 

I sighed, getting tired of the fight we still haven’t even started. I didn’t respond, and Stephanie, seeing me pocket my phone again, saw that action as a sign she could start talking.

And she was talking and talking and talking about how I should arrive and go straight to the red carpet, to take pictures with Jennifer Lawrence and Natalie Portman, and then I should do that by myself. I should also be _very careful_ not to get my suit dirty with anything I’d eat or drink, because we wouldn’t have any time to come back to the hotel and change clothes before the afternoon event, and my head was so confused between paying attention to my work day or to my relationship, which I was failing to keep on. .

It was becoming harder and harder to keep on things with Tahliah the way they should be. Or how she imagined they should be.

It’s just that it wasn’t of my nature anymore to keep on telling her every single thing I did, every single step I took, and keep sending her good morning, good afternoon, good night texts. Of course missed her, and of course I didn’t want to need to travel to a corner of the planet when she was in another one. But that was out of my control, and it didn’t mean I should keep reassuring her how much I loved her all the time.

Damn, I liked her! I did, and we got along well, but the best part of our relationship was the one where I didn’t feel like I was charged, and impelled to do anything I didn’t want to. It was supposed to be comfortable, to take care of me. And not to charge me and oblige me to do what I didn’t want to.

I had forgotten to text her saying I was going out because, fuck, when she sent me that first text, I was _dead_ tired, and was already fast asleep. She didn’t know that, but Steph had to almost hit the door down to make me wake up, and all I had in mind was to take my phone and wallet before leaving.

But of course Tahliah knew nothing of that, and she probably neither had any interest to know, because it would just destroy the plea he had to _annoy the fuck out of me._

“Robert? Got it?”

I blinked, Steph’s face coming back on focus. I nodded quickly, even though I didn’t really know what she was referring to. She sighed, annoyed.

“Oh, sure,” she rolled her eyes, sarcastic.

“What’s wrong, Steph?”

“Nothing!” the car stopped and she opened the door, “We’re here.”

I took a look outside through the window to see the mess of people around. I swallowed dry, mentally preparing myself to the stuff coming ahead.

And I just needed to open the door for it all to start. It was like I was entering another dimension, a completely different one. Inside the car, I was me. Only me. Me with my problems, me with my relationship (for God’s sake, my engagement) in a crise, me with my suffocating memories, me with my laziness, my mess and my relapses on the nicotine addiction. But, as soon as the doors were open, I was a famous actor, famous to be a problematic and cheated on ex-boyfriend, a victim. I was the “sex over two walking legs”, the “eye candy”. And, when compared to one another, the two facets of me made no sense.

“Here, Mr. Pattinson.” I was guided to the red carpet, where the flashes would blind me for a few moments.

I would never get used to this part, even though it had been worse before. Now I was here being photographed because I was one of the faces of a brand. The face of a specific perfume, the one I remembered to put on only because of Saint Stephanie. But, well,  being photographed because of all that was way better than to be photographed for being mixed up with a specific character.

Even though I used to be less lonely at that kind of event at those times. And in life.

Besides, I wasn’t going to have a headache because of all the scream and shouting that used to follow that part of my job, or for how much of alcohol I would put inside of my body to forget about all that shouting.

Well, the alcohol was still here. I admit.

The loneliness on that red carpet didn’t take too long though. A few moments later, a well dressed feminine figure, who had grimaces that would remind me too much of someone else, came in sight. She smiled at me in a spontaneous way and let herself be photographed by my side.

“Jennifer, I greeted lowly.

“Rob,” she responded in the same tone.

I liked her, thought she was nice. But I need to confess that, because of the fact she reminded me so much of someone else, I never caught myself in a conversation with her that would take too long.

“You smell good.”

It took me a few seconds to understand she was joking about the perfume I was wearing, because it was one that belonged to the brand we were working for here. I laughed a bit, and then she laughed more because she noticed the slowness for me to understand.

“It’s on sale at the best shops of the world.” I joke.

“Oh, I know.”

From then on, things got less tense for the rest of the red carpet, and then Stephanie was waving at me to get into the event itself. I waved to whoever outside and murmured a “see you” to Jennifer as I entered the party.

After one more session of pictures, I was seeing flashes wherever I looked at.

“Here,” Steph pointed, “The parade starts in a few minutes. And then we have a cocktail, then another parade, then another cocktail. Alright?”

“Alright.” I nodded, sitting down.

“Do you really get me, or are you just pretending like you did in the car?”

I rolled my eyes, and she got the answer she wanted.

I greeted the brand staff, and they seemed excited to see me.

I always thought it was funny how people of this kind of marked saw in me someone to represent them. I mean, I was super lazy with my own appearance, I didn’t give a fuck to whoever designed the stuff I wore. But if they wanted me here, and if they paid me well for that, there was nothing bad about it.

“People are excited to have you here today.” A man with a french accent said next to me. “Our partnership is very lucrative, Mr. Pattinson.”

“Oh, you can call me Robert.” I smiled. “I’m happy to be here too.”

And then the conversation took another directions and I didn’t really know how to follow it. After waving with my head, smiling and laughing when everybody else did, I allowed myself to lean against the seat and grab my phone from my pocket.

 

_From: Tahliah, 11:54_

_Great pictures you took. Call me later at least._

 

I rolled my eyes and typed the response quickly.

 

_To: Tahliah, 12:12_

_Ok!_

 

I felt a bump and, when I looked upwards, it was Stephanie, and her look was telling me to pocket my phone again. I rolled my eyes once more and whispered “okay, mom” under my breath, and did what she wanted.

“-Chanel tomorrow.”

I looked to the side quickly, as if someone said my name.

Or hers.

“Oh, yes!” the woman with a french accent said to the man with the american accent. “Our entire team can’t be here, but some people shall. The Chanel campaign of this year is really impressive.”

Chanel campaign. Tomorrow.

Chanel. _Kristen_.

She’d be here tomorrow then? Probably, because her job was basically the same as mine, so, if I was here today, she’d probably be here tomorrow. Kristen at Fashion Weeks. Sounded almost as bizarre as _me_ at Fashion Weeks.

Did we have something here tomorrow? Had Stephanie said something about that before? Damn, I should have paid more attention.

I came back to my initial position, pretending nothing anormal was happening. I took the phone out of my pocket again.

 

_To: Stephanie, 12:16_

_Do we have something to do here tomorrow?_

 

I looked at my agent from distance and saw her face squirm in confusion as she read the text. I could bet I already knew the answer.

 

_From: Stephanie, 12:17_

_No. Why?_

 

I denied the existence of a reason, waiting for her to see, and pocketed my phone again.

I felt a mix of relief and frustration. If she was here, I could see her from far away. I’d seen her in Cannes in May, but Tahliah was there with me. I think she didn’t even see me, to be honest. And even if she had; how would I tell my fiancee to wait for a bit while I talked to my ex? That kind of exacerbated comprehension would never happen.

I couldn’t even pay attention to the parade, because, actually, that kind of thing never interested me much. I was here because I needed to. That big amount of weird clothes - and some of them not even that weird, I admit - that I’d probably need to wear next year, couldn’t keep my attention. Not now, not knowing I could see her around.

It was just so foolish of me. It’s hard to admit how excited I got with the hypothesis of seeing her after the text I sent her on her birthday.

It wasn’t her fault though. My own life was a giant tribulation with the finishing of my last movie and my turbulent relationship. Tahliah, who was never the jealous type, started to act in a different way, and that was annoying me, because _fucking God_ , I have no more patience for that kind of thing.

Kristen and I exchanged a few text after I wished her a happy birthday last April, sending pictures to one another, making references of things we used to like. Sometimes we’d mention meeting up to drink, and she even asked me if that couldn’t happen in Cannes. We’d be in the same city, at the same time, at the same places. But I needed to be honest and tell her my fiancee wouldn’t be very happy with that situation.

“ _Dude, sorry. I don’t want to disturb your life,”_ she said. I laughed to myself, thinking if someday I’d think she was “disturbing” me in anyway.

“Oh, now it’s our campaign!” the woman by my side said, and I obliged myself to pay attention.

“It’s very beautiful,” I said after the parade.

My comment was received warmly, and I was relieved. Steph would be proud of me.

When the event was over - after all those people we needed to be seen with and talk to -, we couldn’t even stay for the after party, because we had a late start, and we had another Dior party to go. I asked them to wait a bit because the breakfast I had this morning wasn’t enough anymore. Stephanie got a little bit impatient, I admit, and she complained a bit, but I got to convince her.

“Coffee?! I thought you’d have something good, man!”

I was more surprised with the hand touching my back than with the voice calling me out. I looked around to recognize Katy with short blonde hair, _really_ looking like the one Kristen had now.

“Hi!” I smiled and puller her to a hug with the arm I wasn’t holding the white porcelain cup, “You look beautiful!”

“Oh sure, you too!” she laughed, “It’s so good to see you! Come on, let’s talk. Stop drinking this coffee, there’s an amazing champaign around!”

“I can’t!” I shook my head, giving my cup to a waiter, thanking him, “I’ve got a Dior event to go.”

“ The _Exhibition Launch!_ Yeah… Well, tomorrow then?”

I laughed lowly and ran my hand through my hair before shaking my head again.

“I’m not coming tomorrow.”

“Fuck, Robert!” she clapped her hands against her thighs, then put them on her waist. Her blue eyes were wide in protest. “You’re avoiding me!”

I shook my head again, laughing.

“No, I’m not.”

“Are you sure you’re not coming tomorrow? To the After Party at least?! It’s Chanel campaign, come on! You need to come! If I’m here today, you can come tomorrow.”

“Chanel?” I asked, “Do you work with them?”

“It’s been years now!” she laughed, “Rob, are you sure you know me?”

I got embarrassed, because I sincerely had never associated Katy with Chanel before. Because Chanel corresponded to only one person in my mind.

“I think I know what you’re thinking.” she kept on before I responded, “You’re not coming because of Kris, right?”

I rounded my eyes, surprised.

“No, of course not.”

She kept looking at me with doubt in her eyes.

“Really! I’ve got nothing against meeting her, Katy. Actually, we even thought about meeting to talk a couple of months ago, but-”

“Wait!” she showed her palms towards me, “You and Kristen? Meeting? Robert, you need to te-”

“Robert!” a voice screamed behind me, “You said you’d only- Oh, hi, Katy!”

“Stephanie!” Katy leaned over me, towards my agent and kissed her cheek. “Long time, no see!”

“You look great! Your hair really fits you.”

“You think so?” she ran her hands through her hair, shorter than my own, “It took me a bit to get used to it, but now I like it too.”

“Yeah, you’re beautiful!” Katy smiled happily, “But I need to take this boy here away. We’ve got one more event.”

“Yeah, he told me.” She seemed to remember what we’ talked before, and looked at me serious. “We’ll finish this up later.” She hugged me, talking close to my ear, “Or I’ll be obligated to ask her.”

I laughed, knowing she probably would do it anyway. We said goodbye and a few moments later I was already in the car, coming back to the hotel.

The other event was a little better, because there was no parade, only some kind of

The food was good, anyway.

“Can we leave yet?” I whispered on Stephanie’s ear some time later. She rolled her eyes and started adjusting the collar of my shit.

“ think it would be fine. Just like it would be fine if you stayed a little longer.” I opened my mouth to reply, but she was already talking. “I know that’s not your favorite kind of job.” She sighed and stepped behind. “Let’s go. Say goodbye to some people and we can say you need to study a new script.”

I smiled and bit my bottom lip, knowing Stephanie was the best agent I could have.

[...]

_“I thought you wouldn’t be there for that long.”_

I rolled my eyes to my fiancée’s words.

“I was working, Tah. You know that if it was only for me, I wouldn’t go to any of those events.”

She laughed.

 _“Yes, I know_ .” I heard the wind hitting the phone. _“That’s why I was surprised for you staying for that long_.”

I scratched my head, knowing that would be an easy excuse. She was right, I’d always leave early when I needed to go to that kind of event, and, on that day, it wasn’t different. But it hadn’t crossed my mind to call her earlier, I preferred to watch movies and eat until late. I didn’t want to tell her that I simply forgot to call my own fiancée, so I preferred to say I had just gotten at the hotel.

 

I only hoped I wasn’t photographed when I was leaving.

“It would be weird if I left early. You know how it is.”

“ _Yeah_ ,” she said, giggling. _“I miss you.”_

“Me too,”  I responded in an automatic way.

“ _We should travel together…”_ her voice was thoughtful, but excited, and I frowned, knowing those were one of the plans we’d make together and would never accomplish. Just like our wedding, for example. _“Only the two of us… We could spend some time in Thailand, and then China…_ ”  

I opened my mouth to respond, hesitating to choose the right words.

“I think now is not the right moment, Tah.” She was silent, so I added, “I’ll start the divulgation for _Good Time_ soon, and-”

“ _Alright!”_ she interrupted me. For a second, I thought it would be fine, and we would keep on with our conversation. But I was fooled. _“It’s never the moment, Robert. Never.”_

I closed my eyes, sighing and thinking we were coming back to the same argument.

“It will come. But now I need to work divulgating the movie.”

“ _And then you’ll start another one. And then some stupid events like the one you had today. And what more?”_

“You’ve got a job too, Tahliah.”

“ _My job doesn’t take half of the time yours do, Robert.”_

I ran my hand through my face, supporting my elbow against the window.

“There’s nothing I can do now.” I declared. “I’ve already signed the contracts.”

“ _Of course_ ,” she laughed, sassy. _“The contracts. Alright, Rob. Then enjoy your work.”_

“Good night.” I simply said, ready to hang up.

“ _Also, enjoy the fact that your ex is in the same town. You could arrange some time to spend with her. Who knows?”_

And before I could tell her she was being absurd, she was hanging up on me.

[...]

I spent the two following days at the hotel. Steph scheduled a couple of thing for me to do, but, honestly, I didn’t want to do anything.

I mean, what should I do? How could I have the mood to do any shit? My fiancée was mad at me, and I couldn’t care less. I was already tired from those events and how my life was going for the last couple of months. If I went out to do some turism, people would follow me and ask for picture and, as much as it wasn’t how it was once ago, I still wasn’t in the mood. Certainly I’d also have a jealous girlfriend calling me to say “we’d never do anything together, because I never wanted to be a tourist”. And how could I deny, if she was right?

In that morning, I woke up with the intention to do nothing, exactly how I’d spent the last few days. However, when I was having breakfast, my phone ringed. I rolled my eyes and ignored the vibration against the marble table, knowing it was Tahliah wanting to fight a bit more. The phone stopped, and I sighed, relieved.

And then it started again. And again, and again. When I got to my nerves, I took my phone and decided to send Tahliah to hell, and break up that arrangement through the phone, because, if she didn’t know me enough to know that, if I didn’t pick up the phone on the first call, it was because I wasn’t in the mood to talk, I got surprised.

Because it wasn’t Tahliah.

The number calling me was identified by one letter only.

K.

My heart beat faster. Kristen was calling me? That Kristen? _My_ \- No. That one, who _once was mine_ , Kristen?

I stared at the phone for a few more seconds, and realised that, if I didn’t picked it up, she’d give up. It was awful to think I would have ignored my fiancee, but couldn’t wait to talk to my ex.

I was already apathetic, anyway.

“Hello?”

“ _Hmmm… hi? I, hm.. Rob?”_

“Yes?”

Yes? It was all I had to say? After years since I’ve last heard her fucking voice in a direct conversation, I was saying _yes_ when she called me? What kind of fool was I? Who the fuck would-

“ _Am I bothering you? Actually, I… I…”_ she paused and I got to hear her heavy breathing through the phone. “ _I don’t know.”_

“You don’t know?” I laughed. “Kristen, are you alright?”

“ _Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that… Dude, we said we’d do something since my birthday and we never did. We’re in the same city now, so, if you have some time-”_

“Do you want to meet me?”

I tried to control the surprise in my voice, but I couldn’t. I think she noticed that too, because she was silent for a couple of seconds. Then she returned to talk, at the same time as I.

“ _Forget it, I think I-”_

“Of course, I-”

Both of us stopped, noticing we said contradictory things at the same time. I was ready to start insisting when her laugh echoed through the phone.

“ _Are you free this afternoon?”_

“I am.”

“ _Alright. Where are you hosted?”_

[...]

She said she’d meet me at four. It was four and fifteen and she wasn’t here yet. Did she give up? Was it her girlfriend saying some shit, like Tahliah would? There was no reason though, right? Well, I don’t think so. It would be only some casual meeting between friends. That’s it.

Alright, we weren’t friends either. We were, once. Before… Before everything else. And during everything else too.

No, there was no reason for implications. Both of us were over the past. I had a fiance, she had a girlfriend. Nothing would happen between us, it was impossible.

Well, if I was her girlfriend, I couldn’t help being jealous though. Because, fuck, I’ve been in her shoes _for years,_ and I knew very well how complicated it was to date someone with that fucking magnetism Kristen had. I’d understand if the lady saw a problem with that meeting, because, well, I’d do the same.

I’ve done the same. Lots of times. For years.

And Tahliah…She didn’t need to know.

I checked what time it was on my phone. 4:22. She probably wasn’t coming anymore. Her girlfriend - Stella - was right if she didn’t like it. It would be great to see Kristen, but-

“Hi!” a hand touched my shoulder and I froze. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

I turned to see her figure standing by me, and the air got stuck in my chest for a second, before coming out of my mouth.

She was… different. And the same.

Skinnier, for sure. And her short hair emphasized her strong jaw, her deep green eyes… and her sharp bones, red lips and...

“Fuck, you’re so small!”

Her face suddenly contracted, and just then I realised what I said.

“I’m what?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, “Nothing, you’re… you’re great!”

Kristen still gave me _that_ stare for a few seconds, and then I remembered exactly how it was to feel intimidated by that small figure. It felt like I travelled back in time, because, _fuck me_ , she was right in front of me. And once more dating someone else, once more carrying the same challenging traces that intrigued me, once more with no important bond between us.

Once more she was a stranger. And, once more, I was a stranger to her.

“Hm…” she murmured, “Right now, you’re the one who’s small.” She bit her bottom lip and moved her head and her right hand at the same time, “Aren’t you getting up to greet me?”

I nodded quickly, feeling stupid for not doing that before. I almost fell out of balance, needing to support myself on the table, and got closer, not sure of how I should greet her. How do exes greeted after years of lack of contact? A hand shake? A shoulder touch?

She seemed to have more clue than I, because she put herself on her tiptoes and, as if not even a day since we’d last seen each other had passed, she hugged me. Automatically my arms did the same to her small body, and she occupied the space on my body that once was her own. My muscles still remembered exactly how to hold her, but it as different now, because she was thinner, her stance more rigid, more… tense.

Her smell was the same, though. Cigarettes and mint, the exact same. There was some sweet, feminine perfume on her too, and that one was different, because she used to hate them. But now, it was her job to give the face to a famous perfume. And she had a girlfriend. I won’t deny, my mouth watered to taste a cigarette again after smelling it on her.

“Fuck, you’re so tall,” she said laughing, and stepped backwards again, touching the tip of her nose with her fist. “And your eyes were always that blue?”

“Only when I don’t wear contacts,” I shrugged and she laughed before sitting.

I tried not to focus on that sound, because I couldn’t carry a silly expression in front of her.

“No chances of anyone seeing us here?” she asked, looking around.

I took a seat beside her, looking around too. We were in a quiet part of the hotel. I asked Steph to help me with that, and it was a miracle that she didn’t want to know the reason why I was asking for some quiet place, other than my own suite.

“No chances,” I guaranteed,

“Good, then.” she put her arms on the table and looked at me, her smile wide. “You look very good.”

“Oh, thanks!” I looked at myself automatically, and pointed at her with my chin. “You are too.”

She shrugged, and her body actions were a little bit different from before, but almost the same.

We were silent for a few moments, because, fuck, I couldn’t imagine it would be so hard to meet her again, after so long. I mean, maybe because of the impression I had of our past, of how easy it used to be, of how easy it was to talk, and how we used to be so intimate to each other, even when we first met, I thought it would be always like that.

But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.

Now she was sitting right in front of me, biting her bottom lip and it could be the same teeth, the same eyes staring the table, the same light skin running down her neck. But her hair wasn’t brown anymore, or red, or blonde falling onto her shoulders, back, breasts. She wasn’t wearing large shirts that would dress my body too. No, today’s Kristen had short hair, with their tips blonde and messy. Her clothes didn’t belong to anybody but herself, even though they were as informal as they were in the past. Still large, but never stretched by my body.

She was someone else.

But how could I not feel that? Why, with so many differences in her look, her stance, her way, her body… How wasn’t I feeling like she truly was somebody else? Why wouldn’t my body repel hers?

You know that bad feeling you have when you see again ex-girlfriend of yours and you see she’s someone else, and you couldn’t see yourself with her again? When your body will literally repel that person who once was cuddled and loved?

That feeling wasn’t here. It didn’t exist.

I took a deep breath, that fact caughting me by surprise. I felt in my chest something weird, a mix of fear, panic, surprise and _comfort._ I swallowed dry, feeling the wanting to get out of here as soon as I could.

But what the hell was I thinking, too? That it would be easy? That we’d talk as old friends, with no resentments, who reunite to remember old, fun times?

I needed to leave. Make some excuse, come back to my hotel room and call my _fucking_ fiancee, so then I could make my head busy with anything that was the opposite of the figure in front of me. Because this was a bad idea.

She was probably thinking the same thing, because her face would contorce while she refused to look away from the marble table. Sometimes she would frown, nod to herself, her eyes low, always biting her bottom lip, or pressioning her lips together. her throat would move sometimes, as she was swallowing the thick saliva inside her pink mouth. We were now seeing how absurd that mistake was to meet again. We couldn’t deal with the past as it was solved.

Because if I once thought time had healed and solved everything… here, now, the energy around us showed the opposite.

“Hm…” I listened to the husky female voice and widened my eyes. “I’ve… I’ve watched  movie of yours.”

I frowned.

“Which one?”

“ _The Lost City of Z._ ”

I gasped.

I’ve watched all of her movies of the last few years, but that was because I was a truly _fool_ . I’ve _always_ been crazy for her acting, it was the reason why I’ve decided to do Twilight on the first place, but _what_?!

“You’ve watched _The Lost City of Z?”_ I asked, the surprise explicit in my voice.

She nodded, once more looking at the table. Her eyes were back on mine, and she kept nodding until she resumed to talk.

“Yeah. It’s cool.”

I opened my mouth, nodding slowly, still trying to process the nes. Then I took some air in, but she talked again.

“And _The Rover,”_ Kristen looked at my eyes for the first time in that afternoon, “I’ve watched The Rover too.”

“You’ve been watching my movies?!”

The disbelief in my voice might have embarrassed her, because the top of her cheeks got a pink tone, and it was all over her neck and beyond her white shirt.

“I like the kind of movies you’re making.”

“No, you don’t.”

I wanted to bite my tongue just as the words let my mouth. Her wide eyes were the response I needed to understand that comment _wasn’t a good thing._ At all.

“I just meant that-” I started to explain.

“No, I got it.” she said, exhaling from her nose, “And you’re right. In a way.”

I swallowed dry, not getting the “in a way” very much, but I decided no to explore that subject. My initial embarrassment was enough.

“I..” I started after a few seconds, “I’ve watched yours too.”

What I’ve seen in her eyes on that moment was relief. Her shoulders got lower, and her smile was the most true of them until that very moment. She put both of her arms on the table, her teeth still pressing her bottom lip.

“Which one of them?” by the end of her words, there was a smirk on her lips, probably because she repeated my own words.

“All of them.”

Her eyes got wide again, but she reacted the way she would at any _shit_ I’d do  few years ago: she laughed. Low, at first, contained. But she just needed to look at me, and her face started to get redder and redder, her laugh louder and louder, to the point she threw her head backwards, and her eyes were shining with tears.

I even tried to laugh too, but it was kinda hard, because, _fuck_ , was I really that pathetic? I mean, it wasn’t so bad that I’d seen her movies, right? She knew I’ve always been such a sucker for her work anyway, before anything. It was natural, my friends knew I did that, they’ve known I’d do that if we broke up someday, even before it happened. She, knowing me better than anyone else, should know that a long time ago.

Right?

“What?” I asked when her laugh didn’t stop, and it started to mke me too embarrassed.

“Nothing!” she shook her head, “It’s just…” Kristen took a deep breath, leaning against the chair. Laughed a bit more to herself, then touched the corner of her eyes to clean up the tears of laughing. She exhaled through her mouth, her lips in a light peak. “It’s just…” she smiled, shaking her head again, looking down to the table. Then she looked straight to my eyes. “I was so nervous to tell you that shit, and you just-”

And when she she started to laugh again, I couldn’t hold it back, and laughed with her. I mean, she wasn’t laughing of _me_. She was laughing of herself, so it was fine.

“Were you nervous to tell me you’ve seen my movies?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, still laughing, “I’ve seen all of yours too. You’re braver than me to tell.”

My laugh was dead in my throat, because that certainly let her in the same place as me. Probably her reasons were not the same as mine, though. But it was still _very_ weird to think we were doing the same thing on each other’s back.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Kristen nodded. She touched the tip of her nose with her fist and leaned her head to the side. “What do you think of them?”

I shrugged.

“My opinion about you has never changed. I still think you’re the best actress of our generation.”

Her smile got lager long her face. She was still looking down, the same way she always did when she was embarrassed by anything, and I noticed that, after my words, I had nothing else to say.

“I…” she started. “I think the same of you. You know.”

Actually, I didn’t know. Well, I did before. Because she would always say that, and, to be honest, I’ve alway thought she did because she got embarrassed or something like that, of me always saying she was the best of our generation. She did try to be a caring girlfriend after all, and maybe she thought I’d be upset if I didn’t get the same compliment from her.

I nodded, but she pressed more.

“No, I think the same.” I looked at her, the doubt in my eyes, and Kristen clicked her tongue, reaching out to touch my arm on the table, “I’ve thought that. I can’t wait to watch _Good Time_ , if you wanna know.”

Two things left me out of reaction:

The first one was the fact that she mentioned my next movie, and I hadn’t even started to divulge yet. How could she know that, if midia wasn’t talking about it yet?

The second one was the touch of her fingers on my arm.

It could be silly, because that touch was truly insignificant when compared to everything else we’ve done together, to the places I’ve touched her body, to the countless times her hands ran my body. But that was four years ago. Her touch on my arm was the simplicity of a movement that hadn’t happened for a long time.

All of that meant a true wave running through my body, the hotness coming directly from the tip of her fingers, going up through my arm, reaching my chest, making it warm. Maybe I reacted badly again, because she, recognizing my sudden silence, took her fingers away from my skin, and cleaned her throat, leaning against her seat again, covering her mouth with her hand to cough.

“Thank you,” I said, low, “It’s always nice to hear a compliment.”

She nodded, but remained silent. Shit, I fucked up already.

“So… What made you talk to me?”

Kristen looked at me, her head still slightly downwards, but she positioned herself better on her seat before responding.

“Hm… Katy. Perry. Katy Perry.” she pointed backwards with her thumb, as if our friend was close. “I’ve met her on an event and… and she told me she’d seen you.”

I tried to remember how my last conversation with Katy went, and noticed I had forgotten to explain my mention to Kristen’s name. She threatened me to ask her herself, but, honestly, I thought she was just joking.

I raised my eyebrows.

“Did she?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Then I remembered we said we’d do something together when you texted me on my birthday, and we never did, so… I don’t know.”

“It’s my fault, I think.” I shrugged. “I should have contacted you when I was in Los Angeles.”

“I wasn’t in LA the last time you were, anyway.” I frowned to her words, and she seemed to notice what she said, widening her eyes, and hurrying to add, “I think. Because I’ve heard. Someone from-”

“Rumours, I know.”

She nodded quickly, desperate to change the subject.

“And then Katy… Yeah, I talked to her… I mean,” she shut her eyes close, trying to rescue her initial thought, “Katy told me you were here,” she said, her eyes still closed, pointing backwards again, “And I decided to call you, because we’ve said we’d do something on my last birthday.”

Kristen opened her eyes by the end of her sentence, and I almost smiled, seeing her that way. Oh, yes. I knew those grimaces. That way to talk, drawing her thoughts in gestures around herself. The way she’d interrupt herself, and the way she couldn’t follow with words a quick thought in her head. That was old. As enchanting as ever, but even then, it was old.

“Do you want to smoke, don’t you?”

She cocked her eyebrows.

“Hm..” she bit her bottom lip, “I… You don’t smoke anymore.”

“No,” I shook my head, “But you do. And you want to smoke now.”

Her jaw went tense for two more seconds before she started o nod, her eyes blinking quickly, her hands moving to get into the pockets of her old looking jeans.

“Yeah, kinda.” She shrugged, “But I won’t. I know how annoying it is to be close to smokers when you’re not one. Or when you’re not anymore.”

“I don’t care.” She opened her mouth to disagree, but I was quicker. “Really. You can smoke, if you want. I don’t care. The guys still smoke, Kris, I’m used.”

She stared me for a few seconds before moving to pull out of her pockets the pack of the - same - Camels. Her lighter was inside the pack, and it was black, as always.

I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want to pull again on that moment. But it was probably because of the same ritual she’d do to light her cigarette: putting it between her lips, aim the lighter to its’ tip, try to light it on a couple of times, tighten her eyes when the light was finally on, and touch it on the tip of the cigarette.

“Thanks,” she murmured, the cigarette moving between her lips as she talked and pocketed her stuff again, “I’ll try to do just this one.”

“Don’t worry.” I smiled lightly, “I’m used.”

She nodded, pulling longly for a second before blowing the smoke s far as she could from me.

“Does Tom still smoke?” she asked, low.

“Less. Because of Marlowe and all.”

She gasped, taking the cigarette between her middle and pointer finger, asking, excited.

“His daughter!” she smiled. “ _Fuck_ , she must be so beautiful!”

I smiled, remembering the little girl who looked a lot like my friend.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “She’s lovely.”

Kristen nodded, pulling again, blowing out once more before responding.

“Do you spend time with her? With them, I mean.”

“Menos com a Sienna, especialmente depois que ela e Tom terminaram. Mas a Marlowe adora a Tahliah, então...”

“Less with Sienna now, especially after she and Tom broke up. But Marlowe loves Tahliah, so…”

“Tahliah?” she frowned. I waited a few seconds, thinking that maybe she’d remember. “Do I know her?”

I pressed my lips together and swallowed dry.

“My… My fiancee.”

I never thought I’d use that word in a conversation with Kristen when I wasn’t referring to herself. “My fiancee” was her, for a long time. She was the one who carried the ring on her finger, and it had my name on it. It was her who I’d made plans with, to get married while hiding, in some place on the north of Europe, during the Northern Lights or some shit.

I was with her, whom I couldn’t wait for that day to come.

And it never did.

“Oh!” she said, nodding quickly, “Of course. I just never remember her real name, because she uses-”

“FKA Twigs.” I nodded. “Yeah. But her name is Tahliah.”

“And…” Kristen cocked her eyebrows, her ears getting red, “And when are you getting married?”

I wanted to laugh. Honestly. I was engaged, yeah. But when would I get married? I had _no idea_. Actually, I think the proposement was kind of some excited idea, or maybe I was afraid of being 30. I mean, I was really getting older, and, I don’t know, I needed to form a family. Tahliah was my girlfriend then, we liked each other enough, we got along well. So why not?

But why yes, anyway? The desire to get married never came from the bottom of my heart, or soul or any shit. It was, I don’t know, convenient. Comfortable?

I shrugged, but couldn’t say anything else.

“What?” she asked, “You don’t have a date yet?”

I sighed, crossing my hands over my belly. I studied her curious face for a moment.

“I don’t know if it’s still happening.”

“Oh!” she gasped, her throat moving again. Her front teeth were gone behind her thin lips. “I see.”

“This meeting will probably fuck it all anyway.” Kristen widened her eyes, “Not that this is a date or something. Just… A meeting between friends? A talk, mayb-”

“I get it,” she nodded, “Look, Rob, I really don’t want to cause you any trouble. Really. We can leave and I promise I-”

“No,” I touched the arm she was using to light off the cigarette on the ashtray, “No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I should have stayed silent. It was like we were coming back to 2007 and 2008, when I had first meet her and used to make a fool of myself in front of her to get some attention.

“But really,” she said, and her position on the seat was straighter, as if she was ready to get up at any moment. “I can leave. I don’t want to cause you any troubles with your fiancee, Robert.”

“You won’t,” I responder, and my hand was still touching her arm, “Relax. I wanted to joke, and it was a bad one. Just forget it.”

The way she was staring at me said exactly what we both knew: I wasn’t lying. It wasn’t a bad joke. Deep in, I knew that, if Tahliah found out I was meeting Kristen at some hotel on Paris, things would get too ugly for us to think about getting over; I doubt we’d even _want_ to try to get over it. I knew Tahliah, and Kristen knew me well. The truth was on the expression on my face, and I could see that in her eyes.

Though she must have seen that I truly didn’t want her to leave, too. I didn’t want it, because a meeting like this one wouldn’t happen again. We wouldn’t find another opportunity, there wouldn’t be Katy to intermediate our contact. There wouldn’t be any other reason. I wanted her to say, and I’d deal with the consequences later.

“Fine,” she sighed and relaxed again, “But if you-”

“I’ll deal with Tahliah.” I guaranteed. “And she won’t even know about this anyway.”

 

The smile on Kristen’s lip was almost like a smirk.She looked down before staring me _that_ way, and supported her forearms on her knees before getting lightly closer.

“We’re living an adventure then,” her voice got lower, “Because my girlfriend doesn’t know I’m here either.”

I laughed loud, because, _fuck!_ She was lying to her girlfriend to see me. It was wrong to be happy because of that, but it was simply impossible not to, and more than that, I truly _enjoyed_ the fact that both of us were doing the same thing to meet up.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, laughing too, “Don’t go around telling everybody that…” Kristen got even closer, whispering, “But I told her I had a meeting with Chanel french office.”

I arched one eyebrow.

“It won’t give you any problems with her?”

“Only if she finds out.”

And then I was uncomfortable. Not because she was mentioning the existence of her girlfriend, or because she was lying to her to meet me. I was _physically_ uncomfortable, because, _fuck me_ , if that fucking wink she sent me with her right eye didn’t go straight to my fucking _cock,_ I don’t know what the fuck happened.

Worse than going out to meet my ex, hiding from my fiancee, was getting horny because _my ex_ was doing the same. In a more literal way.

“I’ll keep that secret,” I tried to joke, so the fucking hard-on and uncomfortable didn’t reach my voice.

“I count on that,” she bit her bottom lip, looking at me for a few seconds, “Isn’t it weird for you?”

Getting hard because you’re lying to your girlfriend to see me? Well, yes.

“What?”

“Seeing me. With a girlfriend.” She blinked a few times before adding, “Not that you’re actually _seeing_ me with her, but you know”

I considered for a moment before responding.

“No,” I concluded, “You’ve never hidden your sexuality from me, Kristen”

“But the possibility is different from the effectivity.”

I frowned, thinking.

“Can I be honest?”

“That’s why I’m here.”

We stared each other’s eyes for a moment and I could _swear_ I could see how nervous and anxious she was for what I had to say. And I thought that maybe she could have been asking herself that for a long time.

“Well,” I started and put my left forearm and right elbow on the table. I ran my hand through my hair for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts. “It was, at the beginning. But not because it was a woman. But because it was you with someone else. You know?”

I saw her chest pant for a second, and she nodded, her eyes on me.

“Yeah.”

“And maybe…” I stopped, my mouth still open, the word dying on my tongue. My eyes went out of focus, and I laughed to myself, “This might sound really creepy, I’m sorry.” She exhaled a laugh from her nose and nodded. “Maybe… Maybe it’s better to see you with a woman than with a man.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth. I couldn’t lie when she was right in front of me.

Of course it was creepy, and I kinda felt bad for that, but that was my true feeling. Seeing Kristen with a woman hurt less, even though I knew her feeling for her girlfriend (and probably for all the other girlfriends she had for the last years) wasn’t smaller or worthed less than the one she had for me.

“I think I can understand…” she said after a few instants, looking with no focus “Even though I can’t put myself in your shoes, because you’ve never dated a man.”

I laughed low, focusing on my thumb’s nail and how it was growing crooked.

“Yeah, I’ve never dated men.”

“Me neither,” her sentence made my eyes wide, because, well, I can remember really well how we’ve _dated_. “I mean!” she closed her eyes shut, gesticulating a lot when she resumed talkin. “I’ve never dated a man after you.”

Alright, that was new. New, because even though she never publicly dated another man since we broke up, that didn’t mean she never truly dated one.

“Really?”

She nodded, her hands running through her short hair, and then one of them went to under the table.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Can I smoke another one?”

“Feel free to smoke as much as you want.”

And that ritual repeated. She blew out the smoke, now less careful with my face.

“I don’t know what happened,” she started, the smoke coming out of her lips as she talked. “But… Breaking up… Breaking up…” she pointed to herself and me three times, “It hurt. I fucking hurt.”

“I know.” I replied, honest.

“No, but it really did.” She added, as if I didn’t get what she meant, “It hurt a lot, Rob, a lot. Maybe because of the way I’ve left your life, maybe you think it was easy for me, but it wasn’t. It was… lacerating.”

“I know, Kristen. I’ve never thought it was easy for you.”

She closed her eyes for the next pull, and after a few seconds, blew it downwards.

“And then… I don’t know. To think about dating another guy who wasn’t you… It was… It was like I was chea-”

And Kristen interrupted herself, and I knew exactly why. That word was forbidden for us, because it had an awful weight in our relationship, on in what was left of our relationship. It still hurt, if I thought about it. That old, thin, constant pain of that old wound.

“Must be a weird feeling.” I limited myself to say.

She nodded, and we were silent for some moments.

I wanted to say I found it funny she felt that. I wanted to ask her if it was because she was still ashamed of what happened in 2012, or if was because she had marks and wounds as deep as mine. I wanted to ask her if she thought she’d ever get over it, or if she would  ever date men again.

But I couldn’t. And I think I’ve shouldn’t either, because that wasn’t any of my business.

“Your girlfriend is pretty,” I commented, trying to make the conversation easy again.

It worked, because smiled, looking at her own fingers.

“She really is.”

“And you… do you like her?”

Her look burned my face for a few seconds before she put the cigarette on her lips again to pull.

“I do.” She responded, simply. I nodded, and she bit her bottom lip. “Do you like your fiancee?”

“I do.” I repeated what she said.

I failed on trying to make the conversation easy.

I swallowed dry, feeling uncomfortable again. At least it was for another reason, and my pants weren’t tight again.

“Well,” I crossed my hands over the table. “At least you’ve got something new to teach me.” She frowned, probably because she didn’t get what I said. I twisted my lips in a smile and closer to say lowly, “Female oral sex is not something easy to do. You know that practices from both sides now.”

It was a stupid comment, but it worked to make her laugh. And she laughed a lot, until she was blushing, and her eyes tearing up. The cigarette was momently forgotten on the ashtray.

“Rob, you’re still handsome and all,” I widened my eyes, my _entire_ body getting tense whens he ran her eyes through it. “But… You know, Stella is the jealous type of person. I doubt she’d accept a ménage.”

“For God’s sake, no!” I exclaimed before I could control myself, and Kristen laughed again. “For fuck’s sake, Kris! That wasn’t what I meant at all with that stupid joke!”

“I know!” she was laughing and gesticulating to deny, “I know, it’s fine. I just wanted to joke too.”

“And Tahliah would kill me anyway!”

She’d kill us all, more likely.

“But about what you said:” she pointed at me with a finer and then put it ion her lips, thinking as she nodded. “I’ve got my techniques, I won’t lie… she bit her bottom lip. “But you were good at that… Really… Really good.”

Alright, now I was _fucking_ hard again. Especially because she said “really, really good” with closed eyes, honestly looking like she was remembering when I would… When I would do that kind of thing to her.

Not that I didn’t remember that all. I did.

More frequently that I’d like to admit.

“Hm…”

“Alright, I’m sorry,” she said, her face blushing.

“No, it’s fine.” I tried to laugh to stifle the embarrassment. “I just got a bit surprised. It’s fine.”

Kristen was still blushing when she nodded, pressing the rest of the cigarette on the ashtray and blowing out the last pull upwards. She cleaned her throat and sat on her right leg.

“Tell me about your family… How’s your mom? Your dad?”

“Hm, good…” I scratched the back of my head, supporting my elbow on the arm of the chair, “Mom is impatient for a grandchild since Marlowe was born. nd my dad is the same.”

“Oh!” Kristen smiled, “I remember how crazy she was to be a grandmother.”

I swallowed dry, remembering how my mom got sad when Kristen and I broke up before having a child together. Whoever saw the figure in front of me would never think about how her and my mom would fantasy together about babies and children. My mom’s frustration was enormous.

“Yeah. Her three children failed on tha mission. She consolates herself with Tom’s daughter.”

“Oh, but you’re still young…” she paused, looking like she was ponderating her words. “And… you’re getting married. Maybe her wish comes true.”

Well, I think she’d get frustrated again.

“Yeah, maybe.” The disbelief was clear in my voice. “What about you? Did you give up on being a mother?”

That question bothered her. Deeply, I’d say. Her expression changed, and she looked downwards. Then sighed and rolled her eyes.

“It’s been a while since I haven’t thought about that.” She shook her head quickly, closing her eyes and cocking her eyebrows. “I don’t know.”

“I see.” I murmured.

“What about you?”

“The same, I think. For now, my dogs are enough.” And then I remembered, and gasped. “Hey! How are Bear and Bernie?”

Kristen’s face lightened up. She smiled.

“They’re great! Getting old, Bear can’t play the way he used to, but he’s still lovely… Caring, as always. And Bernie is almost the same, but it takes longer for her to get tired. Both of them get along well with my other pets.”

My heart was tight when I thought about the pets we once had together. Getting them apart of me so we wouldn’t have to take them apart war harder than I thought it would be, but it also helped with the fact that Kristen and I wouldn’t have any other bond together. Our initial plan was that she’d stay with our house, our objects - because I really didn’t want any of that, I already had memories enough - and I’d stay with our pets. But it didn’t work up. She called me crying for them, and I had to let them with her too.

“I’m happy for that. We did good not separating them.”

Her expression twisted in agony.

“I get so sad everytime I think about that. Fuck, Rob, it’s been four years since you’ve seen them… They were yours too.”

It hurt me too, but there was nothing I could do. I shrugged.

“It was necessary at that time.”

“But it’s not anymore,” she said, quickly, “Right? You can see them, if you want. Or they can spend sometime with you when you’re in LA.” I looked at her in disbelief, and she pressed. “Really! They’d love to see you.”

And I’d love to see them.

“What about your girlfriend?”

Kristen rolled her eyes.

“It has nothing to do with her. Bear and Bernie are mine and yours. They came way way before her. What about your fiancee?”

“They came before her too.”

“Then we have a deal!” she said excited. “Let’s do that when you’re in LA, you can spend some time together.”

I nodded, starting to feel a bit of her excitement.

“Sharing our children’s custody?” I joke.

“After years fighting with the judge, we made a deal.”

We laughed together for a few moments. I played with the tip of my fingers, still laughing.

“I hope we’d be more responsible if our children were human.”

“Do you really think you’d let our children only with me, Robert?” Kristen rolled her eyes, “That would never happen.”

I considered for a moment.

“Not even for a second.”

“Exactly,” she laughed and her head went sideways, like she was thinking. “They would have been beautiful children.”

If they looked like her, I had no doubts.

“Pretty, I’d say.”

Then her phone started to ring. Kristen jumped, and I did the same. We laughed for a second and she asked me to excuse her as she pulled th phone off of her pocket.

“Hi,” she said low, looking down and biting her bottom lip. “Hm, no. No yet.” She looked at me for a few seconds and at the table again, “No, it’s nothing. It’s fine. Here?” her eyes went wide. “Why?” Her chest flushed and her throat moved. “Oh. But I think it would be better if we meet somewhere el- Hm. K. No, okay. Alright. See ya.”

 

She hang up saying _fuck_ as she stared the phone.

“Your girlfriend?”

Kristen nodded.

“She’s coming.” Her eyes went shut, “I mean, to Chanel office, to meet me.”

My eyes went wide.

“And you’re not there.”

“I’ll need to be. In, like, fifteen minutes.” Kristen stared me and twisted her face. “Fuck, Rob, forgive me.”

I _almost_ laughed, because I’d heard her last sentence before, in much worse situations. Again she was apologizing, again she needed to leave because of someone else she had a bond with. Someone who was not me.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Really though, I really wanted to stay,” she said, getting up. “Really. It was amazing to see you. Really.”

I got up too, kinda not sure of what I should do.

“It was good to see you too.” I said. “I don’t think we need to wait four more years to do this again. Because we’re alright and all.

More or less, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Please! It won’t even take four _months_! You need to see the babies!”

The comic thing about her last sentence wasn’t she calling Bear and Bernie babies, because that used to be an habit, and it sounded natural. Comic was the way she was reaching to hug me.

And the said hug wasn’t like that one she gave me when she first arrived. No, far from that. The electric camp was more intense now, because of all the forbidden subjects we talked about. This would always happen. Her body molded to mine and I let myself put my face against her naked neck, silently thanking for the lack of long hair, and, at the same time, missing it, and the smell of shampoo they used to carry.

“I really, really like you.” She whispered in my ear. “ Don’t ever doubt that, please.”

“I really like you too,” I responded in the same tone. “And I’ve never doubted.”

She moved a bit away, and I thought our hug would come to an end, but Kristen kept herself on her tiptoes, looking at me intensely, still with her body on mine.

“You’re just incredible. Congratulations for everything. Your work, your effort in life… I’m very proud of you.” She smiled. “Yeah?”

I felt like a boy again, and I could only smile and nod. I wanted to tell her how much I was proud of her too, how I’d followed every step of her career, how much I desired things would have worked up for us. But I couldn’t.

Not only because I wasn’t brave enough, or because I didn’t actually know _how_ . But also because all of the tension of that moment was concentrated in the distance of our faces. And that distance wasn’t big. No, it was actually small, and it was getting smaller, and smaller, and we couldn’t know if it was because I was leaning downwards, or if it was because she was reaching towards me. Maybe both. I watched that scene, and it felt like slow motion, and I felt that _weird_ strength physically in action for the first time in so long. I watched her face until it was close enough for her eyes to close. When the green disappeared, my heart was so fast, because it was impossible to believe that was actually happening again. My mouth watered, and I checked her relaxed face before closing my own eyes and concentrating on the hot breath coming out of her open lips. I turned my face, getting proud of my muscle memory, and I finally ended the distance.

When our lips touched, some weird, electric thing ran between us. It was so, so strong, that it obliged us to move away for a second, looking at each other’s eyes again before resuming the kiss.

But before we could complete that motion, give in to the kiss that was stuck in my throat, she jumped away. I kept myself on the same place, feeling the cold air in my face, the distance between our bodies growing bigger. It took me five seconds to notice that she wasn’t close anymore, and that the annoying noise filling the air was actually her phone ringing.

“Fuck!” she cursed loud, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she closed her eye shut. “I need to go, Rob. I need to go, but we’ll stay in touch! And I’m serious!”

I only had time to wave, and she was running away.

I didn’t even want to think about what had just happened, because I would certainly get crazy. I’d think about it all when I went sleepless during the night, and I was sure I would revive every second and every word said in my head. To forget these last moments, I’d need to smoke the cigarette I could taste on her lips.

There was a lot I wanted to talk about. We didn’t talk about my friends in England, who were her friends too. She didn’t told me about CJ and Suzie, didn’t mention the french award she won, didn’t tell me about the project she was directing now. I didn’t tell her about _Good Time_ , didn’t ask her about her brothers.

I knew I couldn’t though. Exes couldn’t have meetings like those, on the first place. It wasn’t my place to know about her life or to kiss her lips goodbye.

It was over, and it’s been four years since then. Once more, she came back to someone else after spending hours with me. It might be a cycle, who knows? But now I also had someone else to come back to.

[...]

“Robert! Why didn’t you tell me?”

I rolled my eyes to Stephanie’s reaction.

I really thought about not telling anyone about the day I saw Kristen. It was safer that way. But Stephanie… I couldn’t lie to her. Actually, I _literally_ couldn’t. She knew me enough to know I was hiding something.

Sure, it was my own fault, because I got so fucking _nervous_ for the rest of that day and the next. It probably wasn’t healthy the amount of time I spent remembering every single word of that conversation, and I even pulled that emergency pack of cigarettes from the bottom of my bags. I could blame her, because I tasted nicotine on her lips. And, of course, there weren’t better times for Stephanie to find me. She saw me _smoking_ , and she knew there was a reason for that. And the excuse I tried to make, saying it was because of the stress and the fights with Tahliah didn’t help me at all, because “we’d fight all the time and it’s been a while since I last cared”.

“Because it was a moment thing,” I shrugged.

“This is not a reason!” she protested. “You’re not the only one who misses her! I wanted to see her too, because I lov-”

I frowned to that bizarre sentence.

“Steph, you know that wasn’t a pleasurable thing, yeah? She’s my ex, it’s not that easy.”

My agent put her hands on her waist, staring me and twisting her lips.

“Robert. You’ve hidden from me you’d see Kristen. You had already made that up, right? Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t tell Tahliah, you know that!”

I covered my face with my hands, touching the sofa with the back of my head. I sighed.

“Since when did I tell you what I’d do with Kristen? You’ve never been that hurt.”

“You know it’s completely different now. You used to _live_ together, and would always count with my help to have some kind of normal life, don’t be ungrateful!” She shook her index finger at me, “But we’re talking about something else here: you know very well how fond I am of her, and when you’ll see her, you-”

“I know you’ve seen her a thousand time after we broke up,” I cocked my eyebrows, “Because you and Ruth are still friends. Your speech is a lie”

“It’s different!”

“Why would it be different?”

“Because it is!” I rolled my eyes and she added: “But how is she?” she ran to the sofa and sat beside me. “Beautiful? Oh that hair is so pretty on her… It made Kristen such a woman, with so much power and-”

“Yeah, she’s all that,” I rolled my eyes, “Can I go to sleep?”

“No!” she exclaimed, “Tell me what you’ve talked about!”

“Why? Stephanie, you’re behaving very weirdly.”

“Estranhando o quê?”

“Why?”

“Since when you do have so much interest on Kristen?”

She got up, adjusting her skirt and putting her bag on her shoulder.

“Since always. You know I love her, and I miss her as much as- As much as everybody else.” She sighed. “But you don’t want to tell me, alright.” She took her car key on the table close to her and turned again. “Tahliah called me, looking for you last afternoon.”

My eyes went wide. It was exactly when I was with a company she wouldn’t like very much.

“And what did you say?”

“That you were asleep.” She shrugged. “You’re welcome.” Steph turned around and walked towards the door. “Did Kristen tell you when she’s leaving?”

“No,” I frowned, “why?”

“Nothing. I’ll call if we have any changes in your flight.”

And then she’d left already. But fine. There was still a peace of the conversation I was yet to remember… And now I don’t know which one it was.

I think I’d need to start it all again.

 

[...]

I put my headphones on again and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and leaning my head against the comfortable seat of the airplane. My had a bit of a headache, because the medicine Steph gave me at the airport was yet to make some effect, and Tahliah’s call was still buzzing in my ear.

No, she had not found out about my meeting with Kristen. She didn’t even call me stressed, wanting to fight. My fiancee called me wanting to know the reason of the lack of my contact. She wanted to understand why I didn’t call her, desperate because of how guilty I felt for our fight. She wanted to know why I didn’t need to deny that stupid comment she made about my ex - which, at the end of the day, wasn’t that stupid at all - and why was I getting more and more distant.

Minha resposta foi vazia e insisti no cansaço. Mas, tudo o que ela precisava ouvir já estava no ar há muito, muito tempo. Nós dois só precisávamos reunir coragem para colocar todos os pingos nos i’s e acertar de vez a situação ridícula em que nos encontrávamos.

And my answers for all of her questions were a bit empty. I insisted on how tired I was. But everything she needed to hear was already in the air, a while ago. We just needed a bit of courage to solve all of this ridiculous situation we were into.

Because, after that week, I could see the obvious: what can’t be cured, must be endured. The solution to my problems with my fiancee was right in front of me, and it could be resumed to a single word: end.

I made a decision. I’d finish that situation as soon as possible, and I’d try to do that in a healthy way. Our problems weren’t any recent, and I was just too comfortable to say “enough”.

But it was about time.

It would suck, of course it would. Ending a relationship is always a bad thing, and maybe I’d spend some time with my parents, I don’t know. Maybe next time I’d put less of me in the relationship… It would be less tiring when it was time to break up.

I scratched my forehead and then neck, thinking of how I was already making plans to a next girlfriend when I had yet to communicate the current one my decision. She thought we’d still talk to make choices together, and it was weird to think how I already knew our destiny. Or that I’d realised our destiny, differently from her;

It would be really stupid of me if I broke up over the phone? I mean, it would make things easier, because-

I opened my eyes, alarmed when I felt a touch on my shoulder. I jumped, surprised, because I was sure Stephanie changed my flight, so I could fly alone.

Oh!

“Kris?” I took off my phones, “What are you doing here?”

“That’s exactly what I was about to ask you!” she was holding a black backpack on her shoulder, “What happened?”

“I’m coming back home,” I shrugged, “I’m a bit confused, actually. I was going to fly alone, I think.”

“Me too…” she looked around, frowning. “Maybe I’m mixing thing up. Let me check.” She pulled a paper from her pocket, “No, it is right…” she murmured, still looking at the paper. “what about yours?”

I searched for my tickets, and snapped my tongue, confused.

“It is right. Did they put us on the same flight? Really?”

“It looks like they did,” she snorted a laugh, “Dude, how crazy!”

I bit my bottom lip, trying hard to contain the happiness in my chest. Maybe the next ten hours wouldn’t be that bad.

“Well, it seems like we’ve got some time to talk,” I laughed and put my right leg over my left knee. “Take a seat, we’ve got ten hours to talk, because only that afternoon wasn’t e-”

“Baby, where are the rest of your bags?”

I swallowed dry when I heard the second female voice. My eyes went wide and I looked at Kristen at the same moment, and she had the same reaction as me. Her eyes were still wide when she looked away from me, towards the figure I couldn’t see from my angle of vision;

Of course, her fucking girlfriend would be here too. She was in Paris too. And _in every fucking places Kristen were at, she would be too_. My flight was going to be awful, then great, and then scarily embarrassing. The way those definitions changed fast almost got me nauseous.

“N-no.” She responded. “I only have those.”

“Oh, then good!” the voice was coming closer, “I thought you was leaving something behind.”

“No, I’m not.” she said, quickly. “Hm. Stella. This is… This is Robert.”

I looked away from the ground for the first time, and I did my best to remain my expression neutral. The woman standing in front of me had her long blonde hair tied, full lips. She was tall and very skinny. And beautiful, of course.

“Robert, this is Stella.”

The following “my girlfriend” didn’t come out of her lips, but it was in the air. I got up, still silent, and reached out to the other woman.

“Pattinson.” I murmured.

“Maxwell.” She murmured back.

And then we were silent. I took a seat again, pulling my phone out of my pocket. How could I stay here for ten hours? I would certainly get crazy. Especially if Kristen had her caring attacks, and I knew very well how frequent that happened when she was flying.

“ _Good afternoon. We’re going to Los Angeles, United States. Please, all of the passengers, take your seats and put your belts on, we’ll be flying in a few moments.”_

That as the excuse I needed. I put my headphones back on, and kept looking at my phone. I moved BBC app up and down a thousand times as the airplane left the ground, and through peripheral vision I could see Kristen and Stella talking close. Too close.

Even the seats disposition was torturing me. I mean, there was no escape! They were right there, in front of me! Damn God, I needed to keep my mind busy. To read some article, some script, some contract, fight Tahliah, _anything_!

I took pulled my iPad from my backpack, concentration my eyes only on that object, taking care not to see anything I didn’t want to. I searched for news, movies, videos.

And that was how I got to distract myself for the first hour. I can’t remember if one hour had ever taken so long to pass in my whole fucking life. And I only looked away from my iPad when a hand was shaking in front of me.

I didn’t want to look at Kristen. Really, I didn’t, because Stella was hung on her arm, using Kristen’s shoulder as a pillow. At least she was asleep, and Kristen was the only one to see my angsted expression.

“Dude, I’m sorry. Really”. She whispered.

“For what?” She pointed to the sleeping figure by her side. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Kristen rolled her eyes.

“Stop that. I know you.” I cocked my eyebrows. “Stop that, Rob. I’m serious. I really didn’t want this to happen.”

I shrugged, because she had no idea how I didn’t want that to happen. Certainly there was one of the most embarrassing situations I’ve ever been to, and I would have loved to avoid it.

“Neither did I.”

“I know, because,” she closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I hate seeing you with your fiancee and-”

Kristen probably realised what she said. I didn’t respond, because I recognized the embarrassment she was passing through, and it was bigger than any excuse she could use. That was her real opinion, her honest one.

“I understand.” I said. “Don’t worry.”

“Me preocupo sim.” Teimou. Em seguida, torceu os lábios num sorriso que não chegou perto de seus olhos. “Pelo menos é mais fácil me ver com uma mulher.”

“Yes, I do worry.” She protested. Then her lips twisted in a smile what wasn’t even close to her eyes. “At least it’s easy for you to see me with another woman.”

Ri baixo, porque, é, vendo por esse lado, ela tinha razão.

I laughed low, because, yeah, she was right.

“Nisso você está certa.”

“You’re right.”

“Um passarinho verde me contou.” ela disse, e nós dois rimos baixo. Stella se mexeu, e Kristen congelou até que ela tivesse se aquietado no sono novamente. “Ela dorme o voo inteiro. Se isso ajuda.”

“A bird has told me that,” she said, and we laughed. Stella moved a bit, and Kristen went frozen until she was quiet again. “She sleeps during flights. If that helps.”

“Don’t worry about me.” I shrugged. I looked at both of them for a second. It was easier when Stella was asleep, for sure. I pointed at her with my chin. “She’s beautiful.”

Kristen’s lips twisted again and she nodded, touching the tip of her nose with the back of her free hand. I looked at my phone again, sighing and opening my emails.

My heart stopped for a second when I saw the most recent one, from Steph.

 

_You don’t need to thank me for the favor I’ve done to put you two on the same flight. That’s just a remind of how much I can help with that kind of thing, Rob. Love you._

 

I laughed loud. Kristen got surprised and asked silently, moving her chin towards me, but I just shook my head.

 

_Do you want me to thank you for locking me up in a flight with my ex and her current girlfriend? Thanks, I’m really thankful._

 

When I finished typing my reply, I sent it and turned off the iPad, because I didn’t want to see the result of that right now. Steph would certainly ask me for forgiveness for the rest of her living days.

But at least the medicines she gave me helped a little, and I fell asleep twenty minutes later. Maybe because I’ve taken two more of the pills, but whatever. Kristen was cute asking me if I was feeling well, but I just murmured “headache” before she nodded and concentrated in the book she read reading again.

I could even forget where I was when I woke up from the dreamless sleep only medicines could give me. I noticed I was the only one sleeping, though, because the tall blonde was concentrated on her phone, and Kristen shook her head in the rhythm of something she was hearing with headphones on. I looked down and realised a thick blanket over my body, and I was sure I wasn’t the one who put it here. I looked quickly at Kristen and she winked quickly at me.

The bad side of waking up was the fact that it made her girlfriend jealous, and she would hang up on Kristen’s arm again. I was still a little bit sleep dizzy, but I could swear I’d seen my ex turn away from a kiss, and getting some unsatisfied whine in response.

I pretended I had not seen it.

Maybe the two of them weren’t in a good mood after that, because when we landed, Stella got quickly ready to leave the airplane. She barely looked at Kristen as she took everything that was hers and leaned against the wall beside the door, ready to leave.

I cocked my eyebrows, lazy of that behavior, and took my own backpack, putting it on my back, and positioning my phone and headphones in place.

“Hey,” A whisper caught my attention before I put the loud music started.

“Hm?” I asked low.

Kristen looked at Stella again, checking if she was paying attention before turning back to me.

“Bernie and Bear are waiting for you.” She said. “And so am I.”

I confess: after hearing those last three words, it was easier to deal with the disgusting quantity of paparazzi outside.

I couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think about it! The sequel is coming soon!


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